Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
