so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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