They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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