How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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