Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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