I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
