i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
