You can't motorboat a personality
I look better un-naked...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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