I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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