Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
