i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
