seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
