he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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