it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
