I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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