Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize