ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
