So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
