Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm too high and old for this...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
