I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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