im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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