Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
