I think my vagina is haunted
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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