i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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