I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
