I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
