Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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