I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
