dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
