Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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