Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
