she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
