Screwed.edu
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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