Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it glows. i had to have it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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