Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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