I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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