Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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