then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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