I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
