I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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