Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
