Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
