I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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