I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
