He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
