New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
smell my finger.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
