Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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