mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize