Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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