So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
