Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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