Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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