I wish my penis had an off switch
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
