Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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