sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
