I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
