well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
