I'm going to jail i love you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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