i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
