I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
