Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
