How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
