I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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