I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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