There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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