Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
