i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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