paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
