theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
