Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
